episode 3: the T-room
in downtown ********* in Southwest Virginia, there is a small restaurant that had been there for 75 years. It is the destination for drunks after midnight (when most of the bars close).
technically, it is called the Texas Inn, but everyone calls it the T-room.
they have the best cheeseburgers in the world, but don't ever ask for fries, because Smashed Face (the lady who owns it-no one knows the workers' names) will yell "What do you think this is, a Burger King?!"
and you'll want to go to the bathroom before you leave the house- the T-room's bathroom looks like is hasn't been cleaned since the place was built, and I'm pretty sure some kind of animal lives in there.
but it offers dinner and a show.
there are only eleven seats at the counter, so we always opt to sit out front in the car and watch all the drunks and idiotic college students make fools out of themselves while we eat in peace.
I was introduced to the T-room by Cody's family, and it's my favorite restaurant now.
about two years ago, we took our friend B there for his first time.
he didn't know anything about the place besides the good food, so we decided to mess with his head a little, because that's what good friends do -they lie to you.
for fun, of course.
we told him it was the fanciest restaurant in America: they had gold floors and ceilings, butt-warming toilets (lol), a huge arcade, and all kinds of other expensive contraptions.
we knew that as soon as we pulled up to the place, he would see what a dump it was, so we told him it was a false entrance.
that the place was a complete secret, and had a really old-looking building built in front of it to keep non-members out. you had to go inside, around the counter, through the "fake" kitchen, and open the door marked "KEEP OUT".
behind that door there was a long dark tunnel. halfway down a man stood holding a newspaper. you had to walk up to him and say the password.
"what's the password?" B asked.
Cody's mom: I don't know if we should tell you...we're not supposed to bring non-member guests....
me: yeah...I don't know if we should trust him with this secret...
B: please?!
me: okay. the password is "Goldfinger"
B: goldfinger. got it. I really want to use those butt-warming toilets.
Cody: they cost 25 cents to run for two minutes.
B: Oh No!!!! I only have 23 cents!
Cody's mom: I think I have a quarter you can borrow.
we kept this going for 20 minutes- the whole ride there.
it helped that B was extremely gullible.
when we pulled up Cody said "are you ready for this, B?"
B: oh yeah.
we were hoping that when we went in, he would automatically try to go back behind the counter to find the "KEEP OUT" door.
It would have been awesome to see Smashed Face or Mountain Woman yell at him.
sadly, he saw all the people sitting at the counter and the people cooking and realized we tricked him.
but he was still stupid enough to ask for fries.
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