true tales tuesday: the bees

 episode 2: the bees

from first grade through middle school,
one of my best friends was Adelina.


we were stupid and weird and "adventurous". one day we had even scraped mud from the bottom of the creek in my back yard, put it on a rock, and smashed grass into it. the result: green clay. we thought we were indians.
 

this is kind of what my creek looks like.










anyway, she lives about 1/4 mile up the street from me, and every summer I would hangout at her house and swim in her pool.

after swimming and wasting time playing basketball one time, we snuck into the neighbor's while they were away at an antique store or a bingo game (or wherever it is old people hang out).

Adelina was snooping around near their chimney while I busied myself torturing playing with some ants under the trees.

Out of nowhere, I heard Adelina shriek as she ran past me: "Ireland, RUN!!"

Of course, she was always saying things like that, trying to freak me out, so I just looked up and saw her frantically beckoning me and jumping around in the middle of the street, yelling at me to "get the heck out of there!"

I figured maybe the oldies were home so I started to get up when all around me, I heard the loud buzzing of a giant swarm of bees.

                                                      

apparently she had found a beehive attached to the chimney and had been smacking it with a baseball bat.

when the hive fell off the chimney and the bees had come flying out, she led them to me as she ran past and the bees wrongfully assumed I was the enemy.

                                                          they were everywhere.

I jumped up, frantically swatting at myself while screaming at the top of my lungs. I ran into the street, jumping and clawing at my arms, trying to get them off.

for some reason, I kept yelling "HELP ME! GET THEM OFF!!!" to Adelina, though there was no way she could have gotten them off me.

I'm still wondering how the heck no one heard me screaming, except Adelina's mom- who came rushing out of her house next door wondering what the heck was going on.

eventually the bees got tired and flew away, leaving the guilty party completely unharmed, and me writhing around on the street. I had never been stung before, and had stupidly even said so that very morning. maybe adelina had been trying to get me a life experience. 

I didn't appreciate it.

when I came home all incoherent and terrified, my mom didn't even know if I was allergic and if she should take me to the hospital.

after a few hours of observation, she figured I would be fine.

I ended up with a huge swollen lump on the left side of my head (that made me feel extremely unbalanced for a few days), and only a handful of other serious stings randomly scattered around my arms and neck (thankfully I had been wearing track pants, so no bees got to my legs).

the thing that made a horrible situation worse was the fact that my grandma was visiting that week, and I pretty much gave her a heart attack, the way I was freaking out.

I'm still trying to think of an awesome way to get Adelina back for that. any ideas?

just another bloody monday

I had a dentist appointment this morning.

good news- I got to miss history class.
bad news- I had to go to the dentist. blech.

I hate going to the dentist.

so, the lady was killing my teeth to death, talking about how her son's too much of a chicken to ride rollercoasters and only rides the baby rides at busch gardens and that her daughter's younger than him and wants to ride all the big people rides, and I'm reminded of my younger brother and sister......anyway....

I googled "teeth" and got this.
disturbing.

she also decided to floss my teeth. I mean, honestly. who does that?

then whenever she got to a chunk of whatever that stuff is that dentists scrape off your teeth, she'd say "pressure" like its too much work for her to say "you might feel a little presure because I'm trying to basically saw your tooth in half. stay calm"

after she was done and I was waiting for the doctor guy to come check my teeth and I happen to look at my little blue paper bib thing and there's blood on it. this is where I get worried.

there must have been a freakin' massacre in there. I sneakily ran my tongue over my teeth to check, and suprisingly they were all present and accounted for.

mr. doctor came in and started poking my left molars real hard, and the little poointy thing would get stuck to my tooth for a second. the heck?

he tells the lady "small [insert a long "e" word that I can't remember] legions in 15 and 18....somewhat sticky."

I have no idea whats going on and now I'm worried about whatever that "e" word is.

turns out I have teensy little cavities in my top and bottom back left molars. I have to get them filled in 3 weeks- yay. they're also going to "seal" the right molars to prevent cavities back there.

I knew this was going to happen. I woke up this morning, dreading the appointment, thinking "at least I don't have any cavities."

I keep jinxing myself. (I'll give another example of that in tomorrow's "true-tales tuesday")

the good thing is that both the dentists said these cavities aren't my fault. they're in a place where I couldn't have gotten to to clean them even if I really tried.

my teeth are as sore as when I first got braces, sadly.

and my mouth still tastes like blood.

something to cheer you up....or the "mind over mutant" inner battle for blogging

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spongebob and patrick in real life... 

UPDATE: I apologize. I shouldn't just post random pictures and give no explanation. I know you feel cheated and probably don't even think this counts as a post, but I'm trying, okay?

I don't like making excuses (well actually I do and I'm usually pretty good at it, but other people don't like when I make excuses...), but I'll give you one anyway.

about 6 days ago, a mutant- a blind donkey mixed with an schizophrenic llama- came to my house and spirited me away into the night.

my hybrid kidnapper's name was Darren.

he told me there was urgent need of my services in Greenland. there were millions of gnomes living there that were constantly picked on because the only job they could ever get was sitting in people's gardens all day, really still like they're statues or something.

they felt unloved and underappreciated.

they needed me to destroy their arch-enemy, the garden snake, so they could quit their jobs guarding the gardens of the world and have real lives.

I felt their pain. but when I told donkey-llama Darren that I didn't understand how I could help this situation, he asked "Aren't you secretly Shadow Cat from the 'X-men'?"

me: no. at least not during april.

darren: oh. any idea where we could get a full-time superhero this time of the night?

me: try new zealand.

(I'm not really sure how I could have helped. all I can do as shadow cat is go through walls and junk)

next thing I knew, I was waking up the next morning. I've been jumpy and more ADD than usual, wondering if I'll be called upon to help some other lost cause by some other weird mutated farm animal. I haven't been able to concentrate. sorry.

I'll try my bestest to post more regularly. 

true tales tuesday: car wash

(okay, I started working on this last saturday...and then forgot to post it. so we're gonna time travel in our minds and pretend that its tuesday again. got it?)

every few tuesdays I will post a story that happened recently, or years ago. they're all random and weird. enjoy :)

episode 1: the car wash

this happened about two years ago. cody, his little brother, my older brother, and I went with his mom to wander around the mall and other random errands.

his mom decided that the van needed urgent attention, so we stopped at a car wash near by. 

I was really excited because I'd never been through a car wash before. whenever one of our cars needs to get clean, my mom always made us kids line up for the job. 

so his mom parks the car and she goes in to tell them what exactly she wants done to the car. she comes back out and we pull around to go into the car wash.

they get us hooked up to that little thing that pulls the car through, and we wait.

we're just sitting there, watching the car get soaked and soapy, and all of the sudden the car stops.

at first, we figured it was just a part of the car wash- the car stops so the soap can soak on the car and get it extra clean- or something like that.

then the water shut off.

I was the first one to start freaking out.


me: we're stuck!

cody's mom: no we're not. its probably supposed to do that.


me: no. they forgot about us, we're gonna be in here forever!!!

me and cody with some very macaulay-culkin-when-he-was-a-cute-little-kid-before-he-met-micheal-jackson-and-turned-into-a-creepy-adult, Home Alone looking faces, dispairing for our lives.

*15 minutes later*

my brain: oh my gosh, what are we going to do? we're still gonna be in here years from now....what if sometime in the future, a little future girl is exploring and happens upon this stupid car wash and decides to venture inside? she'll be like "what's this weird contraption in here? this car doesn't even have turbo boosters!" and she'll be all curious and stuff (because apparently she's a cat, and we all know what happens to that stupid curious cat) and open the door and she'll she our decomposing bodies covered in dust and spider webs and she'll freak out and then run home to get her robot nanny who will come and not freak out when she finds us because robots don't have emotions and then they'll call the police-y guys who will probably be half robots so they can be "robo-cops" and they'll have to identify our bodies using obscure relatives (because we never had decendants cause we were stuck in a car wash for the past 300 years) who don't even know what we look like and they'll just be like "yeah those are creepy mummy dead people from a long time ago, just cremate them and no one will care that ours souls are still in there and we're freaking out like "who the heck is touching my mummy body?!" and....


me: *interupts my own brain with my hyperventilating* oh crap. oh crap. oh crap. we're gonna die in here! I'm too young to die!

cody: mom! maybe you should get out and go around. tell them we're still in here!

his mom: no... with my luck I'll get out and they'll turn the water back on.

me: *turns around and sees another car entering the car wash* holy crap! its gonna hit us! they really did forget we were in here!!!! AHHHH!


when the car wash-y guy finally noticed us, he made the other car back up, and we had to drive around and go through again (since the van had dried soap all over it).

needless to say we were not excited to drive through that car wash again.


(I bing-ed "car wash massacre" and got this. my sentiments exactly.)

Ireland is...

...forgetful and busy. She hasn't posted anything in days.

...really tired (like that's a suprise).

...in the middle of catching up on all The Office episodes she missed.

...hating all these essays that have to be done in the next few weeks.

...wishing she had money. and a car.

...feeling extremely ADHD today. She keeps fidgeting and she doesn't know why.

...annoyed of all the prom talk that's been going on since Saturday.

...ready for winter again.

...having procrastination issues.

...reading two different book series..es right now, which isn't very smart.

...wondering when the heck people are ever actually going to comment on her blog. By now she should be famous.

...contemplating the point of this Wikipedia page.

...upset about last week's Vampire Diaries episode...

...excited about this website she just found. This should keep her entertained whenever she gets bored...like she is now.

...thinking about how funny that squirrel looked as it kamikaze-jumped over the storage shed. It was probably trying to escape being shot with a BB gun because it was stealing from the birdfeeder again. Stupid evil ninja squirrel thief.


...really getting bored of writing in the third person. Maybe she should do something productive.

nah.

things I think about

If that Leprechaun Lucky Charms guy and the Keebler elf got into a fight, who do you think would win?

its a very thought-provoking question.

I mean, Lucky's got all the magically luckiness there, so I guess that gives him an advantage, but the Ernie Keebler guy makes a bunch of cookies and stuff that are really amazing, so he could distract the leprechaun with chocolate and then attack him from behind.

I think its a draw.
____________________________

I don't understand the whole "brownie points" concept.

when I was younger my mom would tell me to do something, and being the upstanding citizen I was, I would always ask "why?"

and she would always say "you'll get brownie points!" like that was supposed to make me want to do whatever it was

do these points become redeemable anytime in the near future? because I have a lot of them stored up. is each one equivalent to one brownie? or a whole pan?

what if I'd rather have ice cream cakes? they taste better than brownies...
________________________

 I really hate lady gaga.

It's become such an issue that I can't even stand to hear her name any more. (and I definitely won't capitalize it)

it doesn't help that my stupid best friend is obsessed with her.

he's always like "help me download this lady gaga video!"
"help me change this album cover on my ipod for the fame monster!"
"come watch this lady gaga performance she did on the grammy's!"
"look at this awesome outfit lady gaga wore!"

shut. the. heck. up.

I don't understand the appeal here.

tired is a permanent state of being for me, I think...

yesterday was not a great day, since it was the first day back at school...
I didn't go to bed until almost 3 sunday night because I was stripping wallpaper still, sadly.

speaking of which, my video is all uploaded to youtube and ready to go now- you can find the link on my last post...please comment and rate it. it would be lovely to know if its really stupid and lame, so I can save myself from embarrassment next time.

last night I decided to be responsible an go to bed at 11...
I should have known that wasn't going to work. I don't know what time I finally fell asleep, but it was hours later.

why does sleep hate me so much?

I didn't do any homework over spring break, so now I'm rushing to do stuff that should already be done. I have the final draft of an essay due tomorrow, and I haven't looked at the rough draft in over a week, so I can't even rememeber what it about (thats never a good sign)
_________________________________________

as I was writing this in my high school library, I felt a prescence behind me...

librarian: *creeps up behind me* you're not supposed to be on email here. (apparently the post editor looks like an email account)

me: its not email *feeling all smart and not at all in trouble*

librarian: what is it then?

me: *scrolling up to show the header thing that is not an email account* its a blog....

librarian: you're not allowed to be on a blog either.

me: *gets that bad feeling like when I'm about to get yelled at* um...sorry. I didn't know.

(I should pause here to mention that across the top of the monitor on every library computer is a taped up sign that says "NO EMAIL, MESSAGE BOARDS, OR AIM ALLOWED" I don't count a blog as a message board, so I was definitelty not breaking any rules. I've always figured that if the school internet filter doesn't block a page, its okay, but apparently I'm a bad person...)

librarian: did you sign the orange card? (we have these little slips on th side of the computer we're supposed to write our name, the date, and the time we use the computer on, but no one ever uses them)

*bell rings and I start to grab my stuff to bolt as I log off blogger...*

me: yeah...uh, I forgot *tries to leave* (the librarian obviously didn't hear the end of my sentence, because she checks the orange card anyway)

librarian: you didn't sign the orange card.

me: I know, I said I forgot

librarian: come sign it!

me: now? (at this point I'm really annoyed because I have to make the bus to go over to the college, and she clearly just wants to get my name so she can expell me or something)

librarian: yes. you have to sign it. *walks over to the desk*

I scribbled my name real quick (hopefully illegibly) and got the heck out of there.

what is wrong with high school teachers that they feel so dang superior? its not like I'm going to blow up the school by being on a blog. I don't even want to know what she's gonna do when she finally finds out who I am....

spring break, a.k.a. "the sad tale of the wallpaper and the one forced to remove it"

well hey!
long time no see! or whatever...


anyway, I didn't really have a chance to get on all week, and instead I decided to do a video post thursday.

and its not up yet because I have to finish editing it and stuff. sorry.

but when its done I'll put it in this post, so come back to check it out tonight. 
I think it's funny, but that probably just means its really stupid and doesn't make sense. 


UPDATE: alrighty. I finally got my computer to stop being a complete nincompoop (I love that word) long enough to edit the video.....sooo here it is....

(disclaimer: this may be completely different from how you imagined I would look / sound / act. prepare yourselves. and sorry that its so freaking shaky and crap, all I have is my little handheld kodak video camera, (named Ziven, remember? and I'm not known for being able to hold still)

UPDATE, PART2: I was all ready to post this, and my video was downloading, when the internet froze. verizon can go die in a hole (even though I hate that saying, I'm saying it because verizon is a piece of crap). and while I'm at it, I might as well smash this computer with a sledgehammer. this is getting ridiculous. 

and of course (as if I wasn't already having enough computer problems), blogger decided to be annoying and tell me that it was uploading my 4 minute video for six hours, and it still never finished. I'll publish the video on my youtube channel and give you the link instead, I guess.

I was trying to be nice and not make you go to another site to watch it, but I guess blogger hates you guys. you should protest.

by the way, my side project is up and running now. don't forget to go check it out!

The Other Side - my alternate blog



LAST UPDATE I PROMISE: THE VIDEO IS UP FINALLY! (click picture below)

-happy easter-

                                                                    

 Living, He loved me

Dying, He saved me

Buried, He carried my sins far away.

Rising, He justified freely forever.

One day He's coming...

Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

-Casting Crowns, "Glorious Day"

april fool's day. (I couldn't post this thursday, because you would think I was joking)

 (UPDATE: I started working on this yesterday, but couldn't post it until today.....sorry)

I really wanted to do some kind of trick for april fool's this year, because I hardly ever participate; and playing tricks on people is fun, duh.

so I was sitting at school thursday and I decided to just change my status on Facebook to "in a relationship" even though I'm not. (yeah, its pretty lame, but its the best I could do on short notice. okay?)

then Nova and Keenan come in, and they have a plan to pretend they're dating each other (which makes it more believable...)
and now I'm upset because their plan is better than mine. sad face.

me: I should've planned with someone to be dating...

nova: you could use Ryan (my ex-boyfriend...)

me: uh...no thanks. he might enjoy that too much.

keenan: we should all put that we're dating each other! can you put threesomes on facebook?

me: I don't think so. plus people from my church are my friends on facebook, and they would be confused and probably freak out.

keenan: hmmm......

*after next class*

keenan: nova, I hate you. we're breaking up.

nova:NO!!! you freak, you can't break up with me!

keenan: I'm gonna date ireland, instead. so ha.

nova: no! I'm gonna put you as my boyfriend again.

me: he has to accept. you send a request to be added as his girlfriend,  but he has to approve it.

nova: dang it! well, I'm gonna date ireland first! ireland, you better add me as your girlfriend!

me: um, nova? I don't swing that way.....

keenan: ha! I logged on first! I'm gonna beat you!

nova: NO!!!!!

me: wow....you're being really loud.

keenan: ha! I sent the request.

nova: ireland, you're gonna pretend to date me, right?

me: um.......no thanks. *adds keenan as boyfriend*

well, this morning (friday morning) when I walked in keenan said "alright, you think we should reveal the joke now?"

me: yeah probably.

keenan: did you see all the comments?

me: no, I couldn't get on last night.

keenan: they're hilarious. I kept the whole thing going really well....

*checks comments*

me: oh...my...geez.... wow. I love facebook.

here are the things that were said:::::

4 people like this.

Maran: a match made in heaven (she knew it wasn't true, but she just enjoys being sarcastic?)

Cody: congratulations!!! :D

Keenan: i ♥ her ;D

Beverly: she's a ho. dont trust her

Keenan: dislike^

Beverly: have u seen her at a party? have u read the note from her future self?

im just saying, you have just entered a world of firemans carry and vomit in cars... (I'm not really sure what she means.....)

Keenan: oh, i kno what I've gotten myself into. this has been building up since the 1st day I met her ;)

Beverly: she's just in it for the sex.

Beverly: jk

Keenan: oh, I kno about that side of her too. ;)

Keenan: jk

Beverly: LOL, your funny. we should all got high sometime. u me n ireland. one time at a drumline competition, she started ripping down posters and singing high school musical on top of tables. she was so messed up.

Keenan: sounds fun

Beverly: it was. that girl is one party animal. like i said before GOOD LUCK.

Kevin S: This thread frightens me. (this is my little brother/sister's music teacher xD)

Rachel: OMG yea Ireland:)

Beverly: did u not read my comments?

Rachel: yes I read them Beverly have fun getting high....again

Beverly: i'll bring the cough drops and chloraseptic. ireland- get the monsters. :P

that was a fun football game though

     mary: beverly, you're not supposed to mix drugs!!!

      me: *popping 4 coughdrops and downing 10 sprays of chloraseptic*  nooooooooo!!!!

Rachel: haha Beverly...

Nova: Wow...wow....Keenan, you're such a ho okay? Ireland loves me and you know it. You're not the one who stirs her noodles at lunch okay?! I AM!!!

Ireland: wow this is getting wayyyyyy out of hand.

did you check yesterday's date, people? april fool's day.

and beverly- I HATE YOU :)

Cody: ireland u lying skank! lol jk, i hate u...sorta, ill get u back ;D

Nova: Get her back at bowling tomorrow!!

Cody: oh i plan to xD

now I'm really worried about what's going to happen when we go bowling today......
(btw, nothing beverly said is true.....except her overdosing on cough meds. that happened.)