true tales tuesday: the T-room

episode 3: the T-room

in downtown ********* in Southwest Virginia, there is a small restaurant that had been there for 75 years. It is the destination for drunks after midnight (when most of the bars close).

t

technically, it is called the Texas Inn, but everyone calls it the T-room.

they have the best cheeseburgers in the world, but don't ever ask for fries, because Smashed Face (the lady who owns it-no one knows the workers' names) will yell "What do you think this is, a Burger King?!"
and you'll want to go to the bathroom before you leave the house- the T-room's bathroom looks like is hasn't been cleaned since the place was built, and I'm pretty sure some kind of animal lives in there.

but it offers dinner and a show.

there are only eleven seats at the counter, so we always opt to sit out front in the car and watch all the drunks and idiotic college students make fools out of themselves while we eat in peace.

I was introduced to the T-room by Cody's family, and it's my favorite restaurant now.

about two years ago, we took our friend B there for his first time.

he didn't know anything about the place besides the good food, so we decided to mess with his head a little, because that's what good friends do -they lie to you.

for fun, of course.

we told him it was the fanciest restaurant in America: they had gold floors and ceilings, butt-warming toilets (lol), a huge arcade, and all kinds of other expensive contraptions.

we knew that as soon as we pulled up to the place, he would see what a dump it was, so we told him it was a false entrance.

that the place was a complete secret, and had a really old-looking building built in front of it to keep non-members out. you had to go inside, around the counter, through the "fake" kitchen, and open the door marked "KEEP OUT".

behind that door there was a long dark tunnel. halfway down a man stood holding a newspaper. you had to walk up to him and say the password.

"what's the password?" B asked.

Cody's mom: I don't know if we should tell you...we're not supposed to bring non-member guests....

me: yeah...I don't know if we should trust him with this secret...

B: please?!

me: okay. the password is "Goldfinger"

B: goldfinger. got it. I really want to use those butt-warming toilets.

Cody: they cost 25 cents to run for two minutes.

B: Oh No!!!! I only have 23 cents!

Cody's mom: I think I have a quarter you can borrow.

we kept this going for 20 minutes- the whole ride there.
it helped that B was extremely gullible.

when we pulled up Cody said "are you ready for this, B?"

B: oh yeah.

we were hoping that when we went in, he would automatically try to go back behind the counter to find the "KEEP OUT" door.

It would have been awesome to see Smashed Face or Mountain Woman yell at him.
sadly, he saw all the people sitting at the counter and the people cooking and realized we tricked him. 

but he was still stupid enough to ask for fries.

pictionary, parcheesi, and pounce.

Sunday night my sister came over and we all decided to play some board games.

first we played pictionary..

which is one of my favorite games because you get to draw pictures of random stuff. but I always run into the problem of trying to put too much details in everything.

pictionary is about drawing something fast, but good enough so your teammates can tell what it is...and I am too OCD to draw something that looks like crap.

I'm getting better at it, though.

we decided to play boys against girls, so the teams were me with my two sisters (one older and one younger) versus my two little brothers and one of my older ones...

it was my little sisters turn to draw, and she got the word patch. it was also an "all-draw", so my brother had to draw for his team also, and whoever's team guessed right first won.

my brother said he was trying to draw a garden- like a pumpkin patch or something. not the first thing I would have thought of...

needless to say we won that round.

__________________________________

once the little kids went to bed, we played parcheesi.

parcheesi makes me mad.

if you've never heard of it, its like a weird version of Sorry!

 it's from India, I think

I hate it because just when I'm doing well- some of my pieces are almost home- someone has to ruin it by landing on my space and sending me back to the beginning.

I was literally two spaces away from the "safe-zone" when my mom sent me back.

just thinking about that stupid game makes me want to go out and buy a chain saw, cut the game into little pieces, and burn it.

then, just when it thinks the torture is over, I will bring the neighbor's dog over to go to the bathroom all over its ashes. then I'll bury it.

_________________________________________

by the time we got around to playing "pounce", it was after midnight.

we all know that with excess sugar or a Monster, things can get pretty scary with me.

but after midnight, trying to play a very intense card game with my oldest brother and sister (and my mom), all of which are extremely tired and hyped up also...now that's scary.

my mom finally had to give up because she was losing all our antics were getting on her nerves.

now, my oldest brother really enjoys "that's what she said" jokes. probably almost as much as Michael Scott from the Office. maybe more than him.

every time he uttered the words "that's what she said", I was lost in an uncontrollable outburst of laughter.
sometimes what he said wasn't even funny and didn't make sense.

but I laughed anyway.

we stayed up until after 4am, and by then all sense of normality was lost.

I remember that I said to my older sister "omigosh guess what?! we played pictionary, parcheesi, and pounce- they all start with 'P'!!!"
and then laughed for about five minutes straight, about something that wasn't even funny.


typing this makes me realize how pitiful my social life is, that the funnest (its a word) thing I've done so far this year is spending 7 hours playing games. with my family.

how wrong is that?

the only thing more pitiful is this post. I'm sorry for putting you through this.

here's something funny I found on the internet. just for you. (click to enlarge)

unicorn after wisdom teeth

I don't know why, but I just really wanted to post this here. one of my favorite videos ever.

let's get dangerous

this has nothing to do with this post, I just really wanted a picture of Bob Ross...

part 1: little kids have hard heads...

place:  at the little Wednesday night daycare thing I help with
time: "game time"

the little 5-7 year olds were playing this game where 5 kids from each team line up around the circle, number themselves, and when the referee guy calls their number, they're supposed to run into the middle and grab as many beanbags as possible before the kids from the other teams.

sounds like the epitome of safety, no?

Jadyn, a little girl on my team, runs into the middle on her turn and grabs two beanbags. All the rest of the kids on our team are cheering and stuff, but Jadyn walks back to the line holding her forehead, with that little-kid-face that says "I'm about to cry."

me being the stellar child expert I am (haha), realized what happened. I knew she had to have run into someone, but I didn't know who.

after about 2 minutes, I look over and saw a giant lump forming on Jadyn's head.

like the kind that happends in cartoons, almost.
it looked really bad, but I was trying not to freak her out any more than she already was. 
of course one of the adults chooses to walk over and says "Oh my gosh! That is a huge bump!"

idiot.

then I see a little huddle forming around another kid a few feet away and realize he's probably the kid Jadyn ran into. I look through a gap and see blood pouring out of his nose, a matching bump on his head and he is straight out bawling. sure, I felt bad for him. but he's a boy, and about a year older than Jadyn (who was by now sitting pretty calmly next to me).

I look over at Jadyn, with her bruised up head and black eye, and say "I think you win."
__________________

part 2: death ride

place: bus
time: on the way from Central back to my high school

our bus driver is old, semi-sarcastic, and somtimes downright scary.
the 20 minute ride back to the high school consists of a long drive down an extremely curvy and dangerous back road (we're in virginia, remember? those roads are everywhere)

after we stopped at the other county high school to drop off those kids, we started off onto the scary back road...

going extremely fast.

I think Robert (the bus driver) just enjoys the sound of the seniors screaming in the back seats.

as we whip around the turns and zoom past rednecks mowing their lawns, the back usually gets the brunt of the whiplash.

too bad for them.

sometimes as we come out of an exceptionally  long turn, Robert will swerve and act like he doesn't have control of the bus (at least I hope he was acting), making the seniors (who are all girls) scream all the more.

the whole time Robert had a very serious, almost bored expression. like he drives like this all the time.

when we got to the stop sign to turn onto the main road, one senior asks "how fast were we going?"

robert: thirty-five.

senior 1: there is no way! whenever we went over a bump we were airborne back here!

senior 2: I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!

senior 3: HOW FAST WERE WE GOING?!

robert: ......sixty-five...(that's really fast on a back road, where the speed limit is 20mph)

senior 1: holy *%^@$!

so fast we were tearing a hole in the space-time continuum...

I don't know what's worse,
that robert was obviously getting enjoyment out of it and had absolutely no regard for our safety,

or the fact that the whole time, I was laughing.

does that make me just as insane as Robert?

second post in one day?!?!

I know, shocking. but this is a very important occasion.

drum roll please...

*drum roll noise*

I finally got my 13th follower!

everyone thinks 13 is unlucky, but its just a poor, misunderstood number that gets blamed for the bad things that happen to people... but thats not important right now.

the point is Emily-chan is number 13(!), and thereby deserves an award:

sorry, first 12 followers. I bet you're jealous...

 to make you feel better, I've made an award for you guys too:

there. no one's feelings hurt? mission accomplished.

feel free to post you new award on your blog :D

you can just feel the love...

yesterday I got to "skip school" for the first time in my life.

too bad it was wasted.

let me explain.

I didn't have any classes at Central yesterday, so I was going to sleep in and then my brother was supposed to drive me to the high school in time for art.

this is what I dealt with yesterday:

woke up at 7 to put little monsters siblings on their respective buses. went back to bed at 8.
couldn't sleep more than ten minutes in a row, so at 10 I got up and decided to do something productive. ate lunch. drew a picture of a hippo. read a chapter in my book.

I quickly ran out of ways to entertain myself, and then remembered that I had told my dad to leave the computer up for me.

I had several things I needed to get done, but Mr. Smartypants computer wouldn't let me.

cpu: welcome back!

me: thanks. what have you been up to?

cpu: the usual stuff. watched a few videos, checked a few sites, write a paper or two-

me: sounds like fun.

cpu: -but I've been feeling a little under the weahter lately.

me: I'm sorry to hear that. well, I just need to check facebook and my email real quick, maybe read a few recent blog posts...*tries to open the internet*

cpu: yeah...about that. thats probably not gonna happen.

me: what? I have pictures I need to print out for art class! and I have to make a mother's day card because I have no money to get anything better!

cpu: I told you. I'm not feelin' so great today.

me:......

cpu: what?

me: hmm....want some medicine? *sneaky face*

cpu: really? you'd do that for me? that would be great, thanks!

me: *smacks computer really hard, wiggles monitor* there ya go. better?

cpu: OW. what was that for?!

me: what?

cpu: are you trying to break me? why are you beating me up?!

me: I didn't. it was the medicine. you can really feel it when it kicks in.

cpu: are you sure it's supposed to feel like that?

me: positive.

cpu: huh. okay. well, I guess you're the expert on drugs.

me: *angry face* what's that supposed to mean?

cpu: nothing, nothing. just ignore me.

___________________________________

later I was trying to watch The Bourne Identity, because I haven't seen those movies yet...

me: *tries to open media player*

cpu: *takes 10 minutes to open*

me: *finds movie file>open*

cpu: *stares blankly into space*

me: ahem.

cpu: what?

me: are you going to open my movie or not?

cpu: oh, I'm sorry, were you trying to do something?

me: -.-

cpu: I don't really feel like watching an action movie today. can we watch the princess diaries?

me: no. and you're not going to tell anyone that the princess diaries is still saved on here.

cpu: I don't know....my silence is gonna cost you....

me: If you don't play The Bourne Identity right now, you're going to wake up at the dump with the rest of the smartmouth electronics.

cpu: you know what? I think I'll just freeze for the next 2 hours.

me: I'm....sorry....I hit you (that was painful to say...) just OPEN MY MOVIE!

cpu: maybe later.

I really need a laptop.

may the fourth be with you

today is Star Wars Day.

I'm gonna feel like a really big nerd writing this....

I love the movies, even though I've only seen the second and third "episodes" all the way through. I've seen enough of all of them to wish that the original trilogy (episodes 4 5 and 6) were made more recently, so they could have the amazing special effects like Revenge of the Sith.

I think the main thing I like so much about the whole story is all the awesome chopping-people-into-little-pieces-with-a-lightsaber and the huge explosions every 5 minutes.

so much fun.

Star Wars is such an icon, its everywhere.

I mean, once they make a Monopoly game based on something, thats when you know it's famous.

Elan Sleazebaggano: You wanna buy some death sticks?

Obi-Wan Kenobi: [using the Jedi mind trick] You don't want to sell me death sticks.


Elan: I don't want to sell you death sticks.


Obi-Wan: You want to go home and rethink your life.


Elan: I want to go home and rethink my life.
_____________
 
Obi-Wan: Why do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?



Anakin: Don't say that, master. You're the closest thing I have to a father.


Obi-Wan: Then why don't you listen to me?
 
 
this is probably the longest post I've ever done, and most of it is just pictures.....sad
 
may the force be with you!

public service announcement

“The excitement of learning separates youth from old age. As long as you're learning you're not old.”

I find that quote to be extremely false.

no one is excited by learning, at least not school-type learning. learning about space monsters or zombies is fun, learning pre-calculus and spanish verbs in the subjunctive form is not.

luckily, this is my last week of college classes, which means I get to sleep in for an extra four hours. because I'm an idiot and wanted to take classes at my high school, I still have to go to "school", but I won't learn anything.

its just art class. I mean, come on. if you can do it, you can do it. if you can't, you can't. what's there to learn.

sadly, me not being at central has its drawbacks.

no all-access computer time, for one.

I won't be able to get on the computer basically whenever I want any more. I have an account on the computer at my house, but only my dad knows the passwords.

I know, I know. I'm basically in college and my dad still has to get me on the computer whenever I want to use it. it's sad.

he says it's because I would be on the cpu 24/7 if I actually could, and he's right. the computer is my best friend.

oops, sorry cody. the computer is my second best friend.

anyway, this means my posting schedule will be even more nonexistant sporadic and I will most likely only post something once a week.

whenever I do, they will be longer and well-thought-out. hopefully. I do have a few different ideas in the works right now, though. so stay tuned (I've always wanted to say that).

by the way,
did you know that when a shark eats food that it can’t digest (like a turtle shell or tin can), it can vomit by thrusting its stomach out its mouth then pulling it back in? humans would look ridiculous if we did that, not that normal vomit is that classy to begin with.