the real world

Not really looking forward to it, to be honest.


Graduating twice a few weeks ago was about as ridiculous as it sounds.

The one for the community college could not have been more boring if it tried . . . it didn't help that Phoebe spent the time playing games on her phone and I was left to look on in envy (I was also trying to think of a way to sleep without it being obvious).

Thankfully my high school one went by a lot faster.

But of course, as with any other even-slightly-ceremonious event in life, my mom had to take a billion pictures of me in my cap and gown.

Take one with your sisters! 


Now with your brothers! 


Get your grandparents over here for a picture! 


I need someone to take a picture of you with me and your dad! 


Now let's get one of you with your diploma!


And one with your hat off! 


You know what? Let's go down the street to Kroger and completely humiliate you by making you pose in that gazebo they have out front!!!


I think I should only be made to pose for a picture about once a year. Seriously, the only thing different in all these pictures we have of me this year are the clothes I'm wearing. And those could be photoshopped if we needed them to be.

Anywhoo, I shall shortly be entering the world of college with my fancy Associate of Arts and Sciences degree for the express purpose of taking all the art-related classes ever invented to get my Graphic Design degree and the promise of maybe designing websites/book covers/t-shirts
OR
having nowhere to go, thereby becoming another of those hobos hanging out near Kohl's.

I'll probably be wearing this expression:

that's my sister . . . you can tell she was more excited about this picture than I was.

the end of the world

A while back I made a facebook event for  the year 2013. I remembered it today and went to check on it, only to discover that only 4,549 people are attending...I guess we'll be able to spread out a bit if the world's gonna be that empty. 


But then I noticed something very worrying...

okay, everything looks fine from here, but look closer.

it's bad enough that people would chose "maybe attending" life after the "end of the world", but for there to be exactly six-hundred sixty six of them? really?

that's just tempting fate.

don't ask me, I was asleep.

(this is the dream I had last night....my commentary will be in blue)


As I was leaving school, Beverly came up beside me.


"Hey, do you want to go to that new smoothie place down the road?"


I had never heard of it but said, "Sure," anyway.


We got there and parked in what looked like my church's parking lot (for some reason I was driving the Heffalump...). I also noticed that all the plants outside were wiggling and acting strangely...but I couldn't be bothered about that, there were smoothies to be had!


When we walked into my "church" it was actually some guy's house (apparently he was running a successful smoothie business from his kitchen). Inside we met Rachel, Nathan, Keenan, and for some reason...my old Spanish professor Mrs. Killian.


While we all picked out the ingredients and flavors we wanted in our smoothies, the owner's family came home and he told us to wait while he made their dinner. Several hours later (why did we wait that long?!), we finally got our smoothies and headed on our way.


It was dark at this point, and for some reason we were now in the back parking lot of my high school (which is kind of a creepy place at night). As soon as we walked outside, my band director Mr. Webb came running up, screaming frantically.


"GUYS! The grass, the trees, all the plants out here....they're coming to life! It's like Little Shop of Horrors all over again! We need to get out of here before they decide to EAT US!!!"


He ran off waving his arms like a crazy person, screaming about giant venus fly traps.


Strangely, none of us seemed worried about this at all...it wasn't much different than his usual screaming fits, right? So we all ignored the giant plant monsters trying to grab us and got in our cars to go home.


This is where the dream magically transformed into a completely different one, with no explanation as to what happened...


It is now about noon, I'm still driving the Heffalump, but now I'm taking my little brother to Wendy's in the mall (no idea why, I'm not that nice) (we don't even have a Wendy's in our mall...?). Like the responsible driver I am, I drove the giant holy crap van into the mall, then had to make a u-turn because it wouldn't fit in the line (I guess I thought there was a drive through...).


All of the sudden we are no longer in the van, just strolling around like normal mall patrons (Never mind. Normal mall patrons are old people). My brother somehow already had his food which consisted of a tray full of loose chicken nuggets and french fries...and he informs me that we have to buy my mom something.


I left my wallet in the van (which is apparently now parked outside) so as I was leaving the mall, I noticed a sketchy looking dude hanging around outside. One of his hands was gone and in place of it was a wooden spike. (Yeah, that's normal). He started following me, but wasn't very sneaky about it so I just went back into the mall to avoid being trapped in the parking lot with him.


As I pass my brother, I whisper at him to stay put until I get back and act natural, then fast-walk it to the security office. They find the guy on camera hanging around a department store down the hall, trying to figure out where I went, but when they go to capture him he's gone.


BAM, BOOM, ZING. Back to giant plant monsters / smoothie part of the dream (again, no explanation of why it changes storyline...)


I'm driving Beverly home while drinking my smoothie. When we pull up to a stop light, we hear a strange noise in the back. Beverly climbs over the seats to check it out only to discover Mr. Webb wrestling some kind of vine. She pulls it off him and throws it out the back door. He gets up, thanks her, and jumps out after it...all the while singing "I Am the Walrus" by the Beatles.


We didn't question him.


FIN.